Evolution of a Mother

As I sat at the computer tonight, I found myself scrolling through Alex's baby pictures. A flood of memories swept over me as I combed the pictures. I couldn't help but compare the kind of mother I was then to the mother I am now. As a young, 23 year old mom, motherhood was just as much about me as it was about Alex. When he cried I thought, "What's wrong with me, what am I doing wrong?". When he learned to roll over, it was, "Look what my baby can do." That was insecurity that comes with being a young new mom. I was making the transition from wanting a career as a dietitian to wanting one as a mother. I was getting use to staying home all day long...and not feeling guilty for it. Mostly I was trying to figure out what the heck I was doing. To help me in this, I began to read the books...parenting books for every topic. Experts explained how to get your baby to sleep, to eat, even to develop more dendrites. You name it -I read it.
And of course I believed everything in the books to be absolute truth. I began to wonder why everyone else didn't do things like my books said they should...

Then Alex became a toddler and things changed a little. I knew it was time to add another child to our family. With Jeff still in grad school it seemed, to some, ill timed. But it was the right thing. My pregnancy with Isaac was different than with Alex. With Alex it was all about how my body was changing, how the baby was inside of me. With Isaac, everything became about the baby. I was so excited to meet him! When he was born, both Jeff and I looked at each other and cried. We knew how much happiness this little guy would bring. What I didn't know was how 2 children complicated life a bit. There had to be a book about that, right?

It wasn't until number three came around that I learned a valuable lesson in mothering: the mother is the nurturer. When Jackson was 5 weeks old he got sick with RSV and had to be in the hospital for 5 days. After he was admitted, Jeff came by the hospital to give him a blessing. Then he left. I, of course, was the one who stayed with Jackson in the hospital. I knew that Jackson needed me. Not just because I had to feed him, but because I needed to nurture him. Those were 5 very sweet days when my only job was to be by Jackson's side and take care of all his needs. I discovered that there were mothering traits that couldn't be found in books. I learned that I had those traits all along, I just needed to find them.

I'm beginning to get the baby bug again and am so excited to see what number four will teach me...I'll keep you posted.

Alexander

Isaac

Jackson